why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
