i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
