Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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