Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
