he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize