I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
