You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
