What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
