Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
