You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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