one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We talked him into tasing himself.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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