Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
