Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
