Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize