Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize