Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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