Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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