Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
