matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
