she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
