i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
