No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
