How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
