Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
