dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
