Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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