Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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