I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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