I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
