Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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