you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
