There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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