whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
