I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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