Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
