Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
