She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
