I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
