My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
