Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
