Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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