How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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