it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
