I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
