Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
