My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
