it wasn't lemon gatorade
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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