Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
