I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
