She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
