I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
