Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
