Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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