Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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