So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize