hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i came on her dog
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The uberlube is also flammable
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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