Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
